"You'll meet someone when you least expect it," is what my mom would always tell me growing up. I figured that was just the easy way for her to keep my spirits up without giving me false hope.
I have always been that type of girl that vicarious lives through romantic movies, love songs and fantasizes about my happily ever after. Day-dreaming about finding love-at-first-site, the one, my knight in shining armor. I found myself questioning if "love" was even real or if it was this make-believe thing that people told each other to make their relationship "official" or to get some action. For the most part I believed it was real because I saw my parents embody "true love." They are solemates, constantly showing each other how much they care and love each other. I wanted what they have. But was I ever going to find it?
Through my highschool years, I had a couple flings here and there, a few boyfriends and one more serious relationship. I was a senior and he was a junior. I played soccer and he played baseball. We met in ceramics class, I wish I could say it was like the pottery scene in the movie Ghost but it definitely was not. About a week after we met, we started dating and became "boyfriend girlfriend." We spent the rest of the year together, had our ups and our downs, but I really thought he was the one. I told him I loved him at Disneyland during the firework show and I felt like my heart was going to explode. The school year ended and it was summertime. We knew that I was going to leave for college once July hit so we were determined to make the best of our summer together. We went on trips, went on dates, did all the cute couple stuff and I could feel myself falling harder for him. We both decided that we were going to attempt to try the long-distance relationship when I went away to school (across the country to Louisiana). Distance makes the heart grow fonder right?
I later found out that the distance made my heart grow fonder but not so much for him. It was a struggle. Much harder than I thought it was going to be. We would text, call, facetime as much as we could but our schedules made time very limited for us. He eventually ended things with me before my Thanksgiving break and told me it was just too hard for him with the distance and that he met someone else. My heart broke. I have heard about heart breaks, seen it in movies, listened to songs written about it but experiencing it for myself was completely different. It felt like the end of the world. I didn't know what to do. Nothing anybody said or did made me feel better, I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and there was no way to repair it. I found myself questioning my self-worth, whether I was good enough, and if I'd ever find someone else.
How I handled this break up was way out of my character and looking back I definitely did not handle it well. I realized I was in college and figured I would start living the "college life." By this, I mean going to parties, drinking, and my main objective... get my mind off my ex. I began going out every weekend with my friends, would drink WAY to much and talked to any guy that would give me attention. In the moment I felt great, getting revenge to heal my broken heart. I kept this trend going for the rest of my freshman year and finally realized the path I was on wasn't going to get me very far. I was doing poorly in school, going to soccer practice hungover, and was spending way to much money living this way. I needed to stop.
My sophomore year wasn't too much better. I was still going out and made many (many) guy "friends." I thought this would make me feel happy and confident but ultimately it made me feel lousy and self-conscious. I was getting a reputation that I didn't want and I wasn't okay with it. I began to chill out a little towards the end of my sophomore year and told myself I wasn't going to have a repeat of the last year.
About half way through my junior year, I met a boy who I wanted to actually date. I was terrified because I did not want to go through another heartbreak, I don't think I physically could of handled it. Funny thing was that he also played baseball (like my ex) and I can remember my gut telling me it wasn't a good idea to go there again... but I listened to my heart instead. Things were going good, I liked him. We dated for a couple months before he started to become clingy, super emotional and irrational. He would get extremely upset if I cancelled plans because I had homework or had to study. He wanted me to spend all my time with him and he would try to make me feel so bad if I didn't. I knew I couldn't keep doing this and knew I had to end it. He didn't take it well. He started verbally attacking me and made me feel really bad about myself. He would talk bad about me to his friends, my friends and other people on campus. He was toxic.
After my two ACTUAL relationships both failed and ended badly, I was over the "dating" thing and was convinced I was going to be single forever. After graduating, I moved to Nevada with my family and enrolled at the University of Nevada Las Vegas to continue my education (I'll talk more about that in another blog post). The dating scene in Las Vegas is not ideal and I couldn't see myself hitting it off with anyone here. Everyone wants to go out to a club, go party, drink and stay out until the next morning. Not me, I am a homebody, I like to stay in and watch movies, cook or do puzzles. Where was I going to find someone that liked the same things I did in the party capital of America?
All the energy I spent looking for someone to date or the time I spent on dating apps, I decided to turn into energy I would use to further my education and my future. I began to put my heart and soul into figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I wouldn't have time to date. I figured I was saving myself time and the possibility of heartbreak by doing this. In May of 2018 I started a new job at Lifetime Fitness working as a supervisor in the Cafe. I fell in love with this place, my job and all the people I met. I started dating a little while I was there (I know, mixing business and pleasure is frowned upon but I was doing me). I went on some really good dates, really bad dates and everything in between. I had been seeing this guy for a couple weeks, we went on some dates, went to a few parties together but it just didn't feel right. There was no "spark" and I just wasn't very excited about it. I had to end it because I didn't want that kind of relationship, I wanted something that would keep me on my toes.
A couple days later, while I was at work, my friend (who worked in a different department) came up to me and told me there was this guy, who was at one of the parties I went too, was interested in me. I told her I was a little iffy about dating since my track record wasn't the best but she assured me he was a good guy and that I should give him a chance. I then had a YOLO moment and told her I was give it a try. Later that night, I got a DM from a guy named Mitch and the rest is history!!! LOL just kidding! We talked for a while over messages, which lead to texting, which lead to making plans to hang out. The first time we hung out was with a group of our friends for a casual night of chatting, eating and playing some games! The one thing that I remember distinctly happening that night was me laughing harder than I have in a while. He made me laugh. He made me laugh so hard I cried. This is when I knew he was someone I had to keep my eye on. After that night we continued to text and talk when we saw each other at work.
Christmas time was rolling around and I am a HUGE Christmas fan. I love it all... the tree, the lights, I am freakin' jolly Saint Nick! One thing I had told Mitch was that every year I make a gingerbread house and it has become a tradition of mine. It was a small detail about me that I figured he wouldn't remember. One night, my friend and I went over to Mitch's house to hang out, we walk in and sure enough there were 2 gingerbread house kits laying on the counter. My heart melted. He not only could make me laugh but he actually listened to me when I told him things, even little things. We spent the night building gingerbread houses and me wishing there was some mistletoe somewhere hehe. I was feeling the Christmas spirit that's for sure!
We began casually dating the next few weeks and I could feel the butterflies in my stomach every time I was with him. Of course my inner girl began overthinking everything and was holding me back from really having feelings for him because I was terrified of getting hurt. "What if he doesn't feel the same way I do?" was the constant thought in my head. I decided to quiet those voices of doubt in my head and give this thing a shot, a real genuine shot. And man am I glad that I did. Fast forward to New Year's Eve... I got to ring in the new year with, my now official, boyfriend! Ever since that night, we were inseparable! I knew this guy was the real freakin deal.
Everything just felt so right! I knew I wanted to take things slow with him and see if it was actually as good as it seemed! In the past, I was just an object to guys and I was terrified that's how Mitch saw me too. He definitely proved me wrong. We started going on dates every weekend, he wanted to hang out with my friends, he wanted to meet my family, he wanted to get to know me! After a couple months of dating, I could feel myself falling so hard for this boy. I remember the night I told him I loved him... it definitely was not how I was planning for it to happen but it happened nonetheless!
It was one night at a bar, we were celebrating a friend's birthday. We both had some drinks and another guy came and hit on me and lets just say Mitch didn't take it well (as expected). We ended up getting into a pretty heated argument and for some reason I felt it was the right time to tell him that I loved him! I have never felt as sure about something as I felt about falling in love with that man! To save you all the mushy details about our relationship, I'll wrap it up here!
We may argue, we may not see each other as often as we want too, and we may be two completely different people but at the end of the day we were meant for each other. We make each other better, we support each other, we are there through the good and the bad and we love each other. There have been through some rocky times but we overcame them and it has made us stronger as individuals and as a couple. I thank God everyday for bringing this amazing man into my life and I have never trusted someone more with my heart. I love you Mitch Marciano.